Blagging about the iPad

At the request of a friend I decided to put up my pre-hands-on review of the iPad. I thought about getting it, but then I figured a magnifying glass and an iPod would be cheaper. But then I realized, I’m not a fan of iPods, so I did the next best thing. Look for reasons not to like it. And boy were there a ton.

What’s in a name

Everything. Bill had it wrong. When you meet someone, you ask for their name. In your mind, it will forever be their name. When you see someone with similar characteristics you will say “Hey, thats like [NAME]” or “Hey, that isn’t what [NAME] would do at all”. When you first hear about a new product, they call it by name. When you talk to your friends about that great new feature of ____, you need to use it’s name. Names are about building associations, so why does it seem like your naming convention for your big “game-changing” product follows a Munroe comic about mispronouncing words? Not to mention the fact that images of various feminine products swim through my head whenever I hear or see someone talking about it.

If I can't see your hands when you're using your iPad, stay away

There, now you’ll forever be scarred by the iPad. The funny thing is, I didn’t even think about this particular definition of the iPad. I saw the Munroe jokes about blagging. A friend pointed this out and now it’s the only thing I can think of.

Features

I heard you like Home Screens, so we put Home Screens in your Home Screens.

The iPad actually really shines in this department. As much as I rail on Apple, I always say I can hand it to them when they do something good. The iPad runs Safari no problems, has a mail app, can play videos (obviously not HD but not even laptops can do that for a decent price) and it can Youtube (since.. I guess that’s different from videos). It also “iPods”..which I’m guessing is some sort of fancied up classic iPod interface, or dumbed down iTunes interface. It has a notes app for jotting down quick tidbits of thought (such as “Why the hell did I buy this?”), a calendar (for such appointments as “throw iPod at mailman @ 8:30am”, a contact app and my personal favourite the Home Screen! That’s right, apple took what I loved about the home screens (namely that they exist) and put it front and center on the iPad!

Now, let me just cross off the ones on that list that I can’t run on my Blackberry and what you’re left with is a cornucopia of… wait. You’re left with..iPod and Home Screens.

iPod was sort of a given, considering it’s your iPad, but the Home Screens were something no one expected Apple to flaunt.

In Apples’ defence they are touting the iPad as a happy medium between phone and laptop. You get all the portability of a laptop, with all the features of a phone. And Home Screens. You get Home Screens.

However, for all their pluses, Apple gets a few (more) negative points as well.  You can only run two of these apps at any time. And it has to be the Mail app and another app. That’s it. You don’t get to listen to music while watching a how-to video about how to set up the Mail app properly.

It also shits on the face of standards (it’s Apple, did you expect any different?) You’ll find no USB port here for hooking your iPad up to your desktop. You’re stuck with a “30-pin dock connector”. Of course there isn’t a webcam on it, but I can’t really complain about that. My laptop doesn’t have a webcam. And it does have to make concessions to fit that multi-touch screen into it’s very thin packaging. It doesn’t have any expandable memory slots and it’s LED-backlit which is just geek talk for “good luck using it outdoors”.

Oh how we have evolved

The Apps!

This is where Apple will REALLY be making its money. It pretty much has the final say in whether or not your app makes it to the public and that can be a good thing. After all how many booby apps can one person purchase right? Since this is where Apple really shines they really pulled out all the stops on development. Not only did they make it so that you can use the old iPod/iPhone apps on your iPad, you can scale it up to full screen and they run even better because of the great new hard-ware! Too bad, you can still only run mail and one other app.

In all seriousness however, I will commend Apple on this. Good job developing the API for the iPhone/iPod/iPad line. It was a genius move on their part and hopefully they will continue to ride on its success!

The official iPad ad campaign

The Verdict

The price is win. At 499$ it puts it right at that “I need a new laptop but I’m just going to be using it for work” price point that most people seem to be at. As well, the fact that it advertises itself as portable means that users are definitely going to attempt to lug it around leading to increases in iPad theft rates and thus generating news about the iPad.

Apart from that though, it’s a fail. It touts it self as cheap and easy to use but that puts it in a niche that you and I don’t occupy. The iPad isn’t for you the blog reader, or me the blog writer. Or to anyone who knows how to work a computer. You know who it IS for? Old people. Because they can’t see, so the bigger iPhone interface makes it easier on the eyes. And that have terrible motor control so poking at icons on the great Home Screen is easier than navigating a mouse.

I left my Home Screen in my other sweater...