That’s right, I have a blue tooth headset. It’s actually a pretty expensive one too. The Jawbone. I bought it back when the black Jawbone (Version 1, so I’ve had it for a while) first came out. Paid a bit for it to. So when you tell me that it makes me look like a douche, I say “Hells yes it does. A douche with money. STFU.”
Seriously, I’ve been stopped with people while wearing my headset telling me that I look like a douche. They tell me that I shouldn’t be wearing stuff like that because I just come off like an asshole. Sorry dude-with-no-money I didn’t think that my money would make you feel bad. Ever notice how the dude wearing the blue-tooth headset is also most commonly seen like this?
That’s right. He’s wearing a suit. And a tie! He looks all dressed up, like he was somewhere important to go. Oh like a job. Where he doesn’t have to stack boxes. You heard me, I’m calling you out. Prove to me that you’re not a bum who doesn’t like bluetooth headsets.
Dont’ get me wrong. I’m not filthy rich. Infact, I get by. I’m in school, work for a good place, make decent wages. Enough that I have a blackberry, and enough that I want the ease of having a bluetooth headset. When you complain to me all I hear is “blah blah, I don’t make enough money to afford a cellphone plan that would require me to get a bluetooth headset. Nor can I afford one 
”
If you’ve got enough money to cover the necessities and then you find that you have a bit more, it’s generally time to move to the luxury section. Now you buy things that make people go “oh, that would be nice to have”. Such as things that free up your hands for other things. Like driving perhaps?
That’s right. I pulled that card out. Bluetooth headsets are almost like a cellphone driving ban. You can still use your cellphone, but now your hands are freed up for the all important task of keeping yourself and other people around you alive. You think it’s a fashion statement? Wrong. It’s a necessity. By this time bluetoothers (blueteethers?) have figured out one thing. It’s my life and I’m gonna live it. And living it requires you to STAY alive. Something that’s hard to do when you’re otherwise distracted with a hand to your ear.
“But but,” you argue. “It fries your brain”
That’s when you know that your tormentor has run out of ideas. Here’s a few options:
- Reply “Don’t worry, I have more than enough to spare. But I can see why that would bother you”. This is best finished by gently patting them on the shoulder.
- You could also say “Not as fast as my roundhouse kick will fry yours if you don’t GET OUT OF MY WAY!” That’s best followed by you bringing your foot back like you’re getting ready to roundhouse kick them. Make sure that your words are clearly pronounced so that they don’t get confused.
- “A.. guh” *drool* This inormally get’s them to go “Ew. Dude.” and then they walk away. You can rest assured that they’ll be thinking of you for a while.
- “MY BRAIN?! MY BRAIN?!” Keep repeating that, stressing various combinations of syllables. You can also advance on them.
- The ever popular “Prove it.” They’ll normally reply by going “It’s been proven (or proved)” You can just reply by saying “So you can’t prove it?” Stressing the YOU.
You don’t fit the common Bluetooth worrier? Leave your name in a comment. Oh and Prove it.
