Feet Have Been

But it don’t sing or dance, and it don’t walk. Something something something rhymes with talk. Something something something truuuuuuUUUUUUUEEEEE.

I’m not sure if it actually goes like that. But I think it’s something to that effect.

Anyways, recently Microsoft has been coming under a bit of fire regarding it’s latest commercial.

Basically, if you don’t feel like watching it (although I recommend that you do) it involves a run-of-the-mill girl looking for a new laptop. Within a budget of 1000$, which effectively rules out Macs. She seems out of touch with technology, so Linux is out of the question, and that leaves Windows.

Now, I don’t need to tell you that this garnered a lot of interest in the Mac vs. PC vs. Linux debates. Mac users from all over called in to popular tech websites offering her a Mac. Some users even asked for unbiased reviews from a regular user. Surely, they claim, that *insert_os* will prove superior once and for all!

So they began to track her down.

And they ran into a spot of trouble. It seems run-of-the-mill Lauren, is really trying-to-be-an-actor Lauren. When that bit of news came out, Mac fanboys everywhere went “OH. Well THAT explains it. ” And of course, to a degree, they’re right. Microsoft clearly paid her to do the commercial and model it after a regular person right? Make it seem like those reality shows we all seem to love.

Wrong. Lauren signed up for a Marketing and Research job about laptops. Microsoft tricked her alright, by not telling her that she was supposed to be buying a laptop. So Lauren didn’t know that she was buying laptop for a national commercial. Yet. Microsoft had her sign an NDA about her experience with the HP Laptop, which, while not the brightest move to satiate rabid fanboys, is the brightest move to secure your marketing partners future work with you.

Essentially what people are arguing about is the validity of the whole situation. Clearly Lauren is just an actor.

Or is she?

Lets take a look at what Lauren wants shall we?

1. Laptop
2. Speed
3. Comfortable Keyboard
4. 17in screen

Here’s what my sister wanted from a computer

1. Laptop
2. Fast
3. Comfortable
4. Cheap

Either Microsoft suddenly has down-to-earth writers, or Lauren told them what she really wanted from a laptop. She doesn’t know how much RAM your computer should use when idle, she doesn’t know what crapware is, she probably runs a blacklist firewall/av and she clearly doesn’t know what 4-4-4-12 times are.

Newsflash. Most don’t.

Lauren’s wants perfectly gibe with what the average PC user wants. And so does Laurens knowledge.

You can claim that Microsoft targets the uninformed, but in truth, they target everyone. Forget Sarah Palin, Microsoft is the true Joe six-pack.

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with Microsoft, but I’ve always had nothing but respect for them, as I have with Apple. But Microsoft has made smarter marketing decisions than Apple ever could.

Further reading:
http://i.gizmodo.com/5190861/we-found-microsofts-lauren-and-shes-an-actress
http://laurendelong.com/News.htm
http://i.gizmodo.com/5186672/microsoft-marketing-team-now-exclusively-advised-by-internet-commenters-but-it-works

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I’m fairly tolerable of idiots. I mean, I call them on it if they bother me with their uselessness, but for the most part I really don’t care. For example, I have a mac fanatic friend. He enjoys explaining to me how macs work, which is great, because I don’t know shit about the mac OS. I take this as a learning experience. And then he starts talking hardware and I have to sit through a conversation that goes like this “Man, I have 4 cpu’s in my computer. That’s how you know mac’s are amazing. Intel has what, one? or two? I have 4.”

Dude. WTF? I tried asking him if he meant a quad-core cpu, because you know, that shit is easy to confuse. But no. He meant 4 cpu’s. Then came a rather long conversation where I explained to him that he was talking BS. I then proceeded to explain to him that intel supplied the cpu for mac. He was crushed, but that didn’t stop him from saying that mac’s don’t get viruses.

Hold on bitch. STFU. It’s next to impossible to get a virus on a mac for the simple reason that mac’s run a modified version of FreeBSD. Which, you know, is a modified version of Unix, which is you know, like the a safe. That’s right, your “awesome” mac, is really just built on Unix. The biggest geek tool out there. Oh also, here’s a link for you: Read this you smug bastards.

Another comment I love hearing about is “Who cares what it’s built on? Mac took it and made it pretty. And it costs so much less than windows!” True. But MacOS runs on MacHardware, which is fucking expensive. Don’t get me wrong, if something is worth it I’ll go out and spend the money. But there’s no way in hell I’m spending 1700 on a laptop because it looks pretty and has a unibody. I get that you use it daily, but I’d prefer something like a Thinkpad. You can throw that shit at someone in self defence and then you can pick it up and get right back to work. Lets see your shiny mac do anything but get you mugged. Now I can admit that the MacOS looks great! I  mean, just, wow you know? Mac has come a long way. They’re on what? Version 10 now? Windows is on version 7. And we just caught up to you bitches. You remember what your OS looked like version 7? Not to mention that while you spent more time arguing over fonts, windows became the standard everywhere douchebags don’t live.

Mac fanboys also need to learn when to STFU. Like when someone says something that completely contradicts what you say, and then proceeds to show you that what they said was true. Don’t get me wrong, ALL fanboys are technically guilty of this, or else you wouldn’t be fanboys. But really. When I fucking correct you about ECC, don’t ask me what it means. You lose all cred.

Macs are great for design. Wrong bitch. Macs are great for design if you’re rich. Nowdays, Nvidia is great for design. Get with the times. (Coincidentally, Nvidia is also great for design if you’re not rich. Go figure.)

I can do anything on my Mac you can. Oh wait, except play a game. I’d stop there, but I don’t want to. You know what else you can’t do? Tinker. You can’t step into a Mac and replace a faulty RAM. Heck, you don’t even KNOW if your ram is faulty. It could just be your hard-drive dying. Maybe it’s just a loose psu? Who knows. Not you. Go drive to a Mac store and get their geniuses to take a look at it. Got a windows problem? Take it to your neighbour. Chances are he knows a shitload more about computers than you do and he will do it for a pizza.

I can give credit where credit is due though. I’m not ALL about bashing Macs. I mean, sure I can argue that “they’re not for me” or that they’re too expensive (which they are), but I’d prefer to just end with this. Mac fanboys need to learn about their shit before they start talking it up. If you KNOW your stuff, you KNOW that it’s not the most awesomest system around. You ALSO know that linux is above most people’s grasp and Macs are expensive for the public. This means you KNOW why Windows won, and will continue to win any OS wars. Think of all the Mac users living in the GTA. My company uses ONLY windows. There are more of us in one building.

Ok, so now that you see your OS is nothing more than ANYONES OS, what about your iPod? It’s just a really expensive mp3 player. No two ways about it. Actually it’s worse than mp3, you know why? It relies on that PoS music management system they call iTunes. Even iPod fans can agree that iTunes sucks. If music management software were people, iTunes would be the prostitute. When you tried to sleep with her, you also slept with everyone she ever  slept with. It gets so bad she actually bogs you down and you can’t remember why you paid for her to begin with. Oh yea. You didn’t.

The iPhone? Dude. It can’t copy and paste. That’s been around since.. forever. And you can’t do it. Well done. Actually, that’s not entirely true. It’s what prompted me to write this piece. iPhone OS 3.0 now has copy-paste functionality! Yay! The headline touted “This is how updates should be done”. No actually. Basic functionality? That shouldn’t be added via update. That should be there from the start. That’s like windows mobile going “Oh erm.. here’s our os.. but.. no copying and pasting.. we haven’t quite worked that out yet” Oh wait. That’s what the iPhone did. Hey, even the G1 has copy-paste. Took you THREE versions to work that in Apple? Well done, you’re all geniuses.

Peace bitches.

Easter Egg. This post is now 1024 words long.

*Update* (1. Ignore anything from now on in your word counts)
http://www.tuaw.com/2009/03/19/theres-a-hole-in-safari-dear-liza/ Take that.

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